The Father Life

Parenting is indeed a challenge and for most men uncharted territory. Rochester resident Ben Murphy and stay-at-home dad, Howard Ludwig offer up a look at parenting from a “Dad’s” point of view. Enjoy a variety of articles from potty training to balancing work and family geared towards fathers.  New articles are available each month.  For more about The Fatherlife visit  www.thefatherlife.com

Rookie Debut: Bubba Ludwig, a highly touted prospect, takes the field in his first tee-ball game "Bubba" Ludwig's first appearance came at the plate. The four-year-old phenom hit third in the order and didn't disappoint. On first swing, Ludwig (my son) sent the ball into the gap between first and second, loading the bases...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Jeff Foxworthy's Shtick Aimed at Staty-at-Home Dads Jeff Foxworthy's one-liners aren't sophisticated or thought-provoking comedy. But his signature "you might be a redneck" jokes are often funny. I decided to try my hand at Foxworthy's shtick. I chose to poke fun at stay-at-home dads (though many of the jokes apply to anyone who spends the majority of their time taking care of children)...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

The Potty Training Rookie - I've been so focused on potty training my three-year-old son that I forgot the many ways diapers make life easier. Peter's made serious progress on the potty. He spends all of his waking hours in underwear, switching back to diapers only for naps and overnight. I'm proud of my boy. The once-reluctant Petey is quickly catching on...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Park Rules - Unwritten Rules for the Playground - There are some unwritten rules for taking kids to a playground. The problem with unwritten rules is that not everyone knows they exist. So for the public good, I've decided to write down some of these implicit rules as I've observed them. These guidelines are based on hundreds of hours logged in public parks in the past three years with my two preschoolers...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Proper Names - When Kids Address Adults, What's the Protocol? Is Mr. and Ms. Old-Fashiond? - Some people are Mr. or Mrs. So-and-so. Others are addressed by their first names. Still others are somebody's mommy or somebody's daddy (this most often occurs when I remember the child's name but not the name of the parents.) It's consistently awkward. I turned to Bette Schieber for advice. She studied all forms of etiquette at the Emily Post Institute. She now offers etiquette seminars for children and adults...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Urban Camping - when a tent goes up alongside the driveway - I doubt four-year-olds have a bucket list. If they do, I imagine camping in the backyard is probably on it. Thus, I begrudgingly setup a tent beside the driveway last month. I knew a long, sleepless night was ahead. My 33-year-old back, shoulders and neck are accustomed to a Sealy Posturepedic not my lumpy lawn. The air-conditioned house is also far more comfortable than the hot, humid night air of mid-August...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Parenting Can Sound Repetitive - Some of the things I say every day - I took the time to listen to myself recently and realized I say the same things every day. I'm basically a broken record of reminders, corrections and tired incentives. Some call it nagging, but I prefer to think of it as maintaining a consistent message. I'm not the only one. I hear these same phrases repeated again and again by parents everywhere. So even if I am a nag, there's some comfort in knowing at least it's a shared approach. Regardless, here's my list of things I say every day:..
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Kids and Crocs - Summer means backyard barbecues, swimming pools, ice cream, and Crocs - Many of the kids in my neighborhood wear uniforms to school. During the summer, they wear a uniform of a different sort – shorts, T-shirts and Crocs. Crocs are flexible foam shoes often sold in bright colors. The plastic clogs are riddled with air holes. Wearers praise these quirky kicks for their comfort and convenience. Crocs slip on and off quickly, clean up easily and don't absorb foot odor...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Work-Life Balance - The Growing Case for Men -Quickly! Who do you think has faster rising numbers of work life balance dissatisfaction-men or women? Well, if the research from Jeremy Adam Smith's terrific book, The Daddy Shift, can be trusted (and I know it can), men represent the fastest growing demographic of those who feel work life and family life are out of whack. How could that be? I think there are two basic reasons...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Plumb Tired - So I'm writing this month to encourage all of us to hang in there and to remind you that you're not the only one who gets exhausted sometimes. We all do. Guess what? Life is really just overwhelming sometimes. It's not you, it's reality. It's just that as fathers and as men I think we often feel like less of a man if we admit to this...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

The M-Word - Coping with Miscarriage -Before my wife had two miscarriages on our first two pregnancies, whenever I heard the word "miscarriage," I thought about an old baby carriage and a young couple living in the 1920s who lose a child, and how it must be pretty terrible for them to have to put the carriage back into a closet...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Readiness is All - I'm a firm believer in the school of thought that you make your own way. I'm pretty sure that those who wait (for the proverbial good things) often continue waiting. But I've become increasingly aware that despite my best laid plans and hardest efforts, some of the best things in life often come out of left field. Funny thing, isn't it? And somewhat annoying in a way because it's nice to feel in control of our own destiny even if we're not… a little bit of god in all of us, perhaps?..
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Pacify me: A handbook for the freaked-out new Dad! - Here at The Father Life we embrace the idea that "becoming a dad doesn't mean that you stop being a guy." Chris Mancini's new book, Pacify Me: A Handbook for the Freaked-Out New Dad, captures that idea to the letter. Though there wasn't any information in the book that I wasn't aware of, Mancini captures the essence of what fatherhood is all about from the time your wife says "let's have a baby," until the trauma of infancy and toddlerhood is through...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Pulling on Those Bootstraps - I've been lacking in motivation in recent months. I've also been lacking energy and confidence. I had come to think it was the lack of energy that was the root of my problem; for whatever reason, my times of rest were insufficient, I reasoned. If I could just get my energy level back up, the motivation and confidence would return. It sounds like a reasonable conclusion, right?..
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Outsiders - I don't have a child with special needs, but I'm in awe of those who do. Not because parents of special needs children are perfect or superhuman (I take that back, they are super-human), but because my friends with special needs children consistently overcome challenges that continually humble and teach me...
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Enjoyed this article? Share it with a friend!