Easing Back Into the "Back to School" Routine
The school year is just around the corner. That “overwhelmed-exhausted-tearful- terrified feeling,” both yours and theirs, will soon turn into that “one-foot-in-front-of-the-other,” pace-yourself feeling that helps everyone get through until June. But the school year doesn’t have to be a marathon mad rush to catch the bus, finish the project, study for the exam, get to bed and then start it all over again. Here’s some ways to help you make the most of the coming school year.
Set Priorities
Have a family meeting before the school year and talk about priorities. Write down each activity that has to be done in a typical school day on a 3-by-5 card: “Eat breakfast,” “Do homework,” “Eat supper with the family,” “Sleep 10 hours,” “Watch TV,” “Attend school,” “Swim lessons,” “Trombone practice,” “Chess club,” “Half hour of hangout time,” Shuffle the deck and ask each family member to put the cards in their order of importance. How much do you all agree?
What do you say to the child who says that television is more important than homework? Than sleep? To the teen who says that homework is more important than eating? Or his older sister who says that friends are more important than anything? Which among these priorities can be skipped when time is tight? How will you respond the first time that there’s no time to get homework done? The first time that sleep is seriously compromised? The first time that you discover that your daughter has been too busy with all her many activities to have any fun? Talking through priorities in this way may not solve the problem, but it opens the discussion about choices and may alert you to problems ahead of time for both you and your kids.
Don’t Overbook
Beware the symptoms of achievement inflation. Billy down the street is taking classes on the internet after school, won an Olympic gold medal in Athens, began his concert tour last Saturday and just published his second book on quantum physics so I have to do better!
Success seems to mean more and higher and faster every year. What it takes to remain in the top 10 percent constantly increases. Maybe you feel like it is not enough for your child to have a 4.0 GPA and a letter jacket any more. But where does it end? Do you value health or achievement more? Your kids can have a résumé that would impress any Fortune 500 CEO by the time they graduate high school, or they can be healthy, whole people. True, this will mean choosing between activities. It may even mean that school is enough. That’s okay. Their health is worth it.
“Can I tell her that she can’t sign up?” you ask. Yes. You can. Sometimes you simply must. Will she get mad? Feel left out? “But Mom,” she whines or screams or pleads or begs, “all my friends signed up!” That’s okay. You’re still the parent. Also, this is a good time to start teaching your children about decision making. Establish choices: “You can either take dance lessons or do the school play, but not both.” Your job is to help her be healthy.
Routines and Rituals
Every living creature has a finite amount of energy. The more energy your kids have to invest in your home, the less that they will have for school and banjo lessons and fencing practice. The best way to help your kids preserve their energy for learning and growing and exploring is to make your home boring. Boring doesn’t mean no fun, it means some element of predictability. It means that there is no need to wonder what time supper will be served, or who gets to use the computer first. When these things are unknown, your kids invest emotional energy in worry or conflict or negotiation.
Make your home boring by establishing rituals and routines now. Make some of the tough spots in the day calmer by establishing A and then B and then C plainly and calmly.
• At wake-up: Out of bed and to the bathroom, get dressed then to the breakfast table. When she shows up at the table in her pajamas, send her back.
• After school: A healthy snack will go a long way. A half hour of homework, then off to ballet. Home to shower then supper.
• Homework: If you didn’t finish your homework, plan on doing it now. Check in with Mom.
• After supper: Homework done? Bath first, then one TV show, reading together on the couch, cuddle and lights out.
Every child’s routine is going to be different, and this is just one example of one that will help your child get on track for healthy school habits. It’s always a little tense when a new routine is first established. Expect her to test the limits. Stand firm and calm.
Homework Helpers
Homework is always easier when a couple of basics are established from the start rather than waste time later in the year when the demands are greater and the burden is bigger. Best to set up a table or desk in a quiet corner where homework is done, than leave him to sprawl in front of the television with one eye on the screen at all times. Also, take the time now to make sure that all of the necessary tools are available, that the lighting is right and the chair comfortable.
Homework more and more often requires computer access. Is the computer set up in a way that makes homework easier? Are those basic word processing and web accessing tools readily available? Is the monitor set in a place that you can check what she’s doing at a glance? Do you have the filters necessary to protect your kids from the junk that so easily contaminates the online experience?
How does your son or daughter organize homework each day? Keeping track of what is expected in each of several classes and making sure that it all gets done is a major organizational feat for many kids, especially in middle school or junior high. Reviewing the day’s agenda after school out loud may be helpful. Teach your kids to tackle the hardest and least fun tasks first to get them out of the way while their energy and concentration are best and to save the fun and interesting stuff for later.
The Carrot & Stick
It’s much easier to climb a mountain if there’s a pot of gold waiting on the other side. Your kids may benefit by having something to look forward to at the end of each school day or school week, different from a reward that might be contingent on performance, this is just a break from the grind. It doesn’t have to be expensive or particularly time consuming. It might just be a note that you hide in her lunch box each day, a Friday night movie rental or a Saturday morning sleep-in. The key is that the kids have something to look forward to in the midst of all the demands that threaten to overwhelm them.
Dr. Benjamin Garber is a freelance writer for several PPA publications and a frequent contributor to Genesee Valley Parent Magazine.
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