Parenting/Teens & Tweens
Violence at Home:
The Affects of Domestic Abuse on Children & Teens
The statistics are sobering: nearly 800,000 children are reported as having been abused or neglected in this countryannually according to the Kempe Foundation. The 2007 Child Maltreatment Report, produced by the United State Department of Health and Human Services, states that child abuse is three times more prevalent than all childhood cancers combined. Why are these children being abused?
Although that is a complicated question, one of the largest contributing factors is another form of abuse that silently stalks these homes: domestic violence. An estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to violence against their mother or female caregiver by family members as cited in a 1996 American Psychological Association report on family violence. In homes where domestic violence is present, children are physically abused or neglected at a rate that is 1,500 times higher than other children.
What Can Happen to Child Victims
Just in the last year in Monroe County, there were several stark reminders of the most tragic outcome of domestic violence: death. In the final three months of 2009, three Rochester-area women were allegedly murdered by their spouse or live-in boyfriend, and in one case, the 12-year old daughter of one of the victims was stabbed along with her mother.
Once violence enters a home, the abuse can spill over to anyone in the household including children who may not be the primary target of the abuser, but who suffer along with the victim or themselves become entangled in the violence. In a 36-month study of young people ages 11-17 who came from homes where there was domestic violence, all sons over the age of 14 attempted to protect their mothers from the attacks and 62% were injured in that process.
It is important to note that each child will not show every one of these signs and that the absence of a particular behavior does not negate or diminish the severity of the situation. As is evident in the list, some effects are actually opposite behaviors. For example, while one child who is exposed to domestic violence may become unusually withdrawn and non-communicative, another may lash out and exhibit very aggressive behavior. The common thread is that the child's behavior, habits, reactions or condition are on the extreme side and not considered to be normal for kids of that age. Children at risk also demonstrate these traits for a prolonged period of time: it is not just one bad week or their reaction to one situation such as getting a bad test grade at school.
The effects could also change as the child grows and matures because there are common, age-specific indicators. Here are some indicators grouped by age:
| Infant Be mindful that a number of these behaviors are common to many babies because of illness, general temperament, or other factors. An infant in a home where there is domestic violence may only display the first signal: • Injuries while "caught in the crossfire" • Developmental delays or lack of responsiveness • Irritability, constant crying • Frequent illness • Diarrhea • Difficulty sleeping
|
Preschool • Fearful of being alone • Extreme separation anxiety • Sympathetic toward mother • Regression or developmental delays • Psychosomatic complaints |
| Elementary School • Vacillate between being eager to please and being hostile • Externalized behavior problems • Inadequate social development • Gender role modeling creates conflict and confusion • Developmental delays |
Preadolescence • Guarded or secretive about family • Poor social skills • Protection of mother, sees her as "weak" • Emotional difficulties: shame, fear, confusion, rage • Increased internalized behavior: depression, isolation, withdrawal • Behavior problems become more serious |
| Teens • Dating relationships may reflect violence learned or witnessed in the home. Men who have witnessed domestic violence are three times more likely to become abusers themselves. • Internalized and externalized behavior problems can become extreme and dangerous including drug/alcohol; truancy; gangs; sexual acting out; pregnancy; runaway; suicidal. According to the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, "some investigators have suggested that a history of family violence or abuse in the most significant difference between delinquent and non-delinquent youth." |
As overwhelming as the situation may seem, there are signs of hope in our own community, and ways to break the cycle of violence. In Rochester, the Nurse-Family Partnership – supported by The Children's Agenda – has demonstrated excellent success since it came to the community in 2006. This evidence-based program uses trained, registered nurses who currently work with 240 local families on weekly home visitations from the second trimester of the mother's pregnancy through the first two years of the child's life. The Partnership (which is being expanded to 1,000 families later this year) improves the health, well-being, and self-sufficiency of low-income, first-time parents. The program has been proven to reduce anti-social behaviors, abuse, and domestic violence by helping parents to develop problem-solving skills and learn to cope with the stresses of parenthood and marriage or partnership. The statistics are impressive: a 79% reduction among participants in child abuse and neglect and 81% fewer convictions or probation violations.
Another promising program is Rochester's Alternatives for Battered Women Education and Prevention Program that reaches out to students in middle, high school and college to help them learn how to form healthy relationships and identify abusive behaviors. If the cycle of domestic violence can be identified and broken early in life-during teen years and when relationships are being formed-then the more likely that it will not escalate or continue to be an issue as people age.
If you suspect that anyone you know may be living in a situation where there is domestic abuse or violence, contact an outside resource or notify the proper authorities. Your action could save the life of another person or remove them from a potentially harmful situation.
Karen Higman is a contributing writer and the Senior Vice President of YMCA of Greater Rochester.
This article originally appeared in the October 2010 issue of Genesee Valley Parent Magazine. Copyright 2010.
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