Four or More: Raising a Large Family in Today's Times

By Myrna Beth Haskell

I was at the check out line with a full cart of groceries, when I snapped out of my trance and realized that the far-off classical music I was listening to was actually my cell phone ringing in my purse. It was my daughter. She missed the bus and wanted to know if I could pick her up at school. I was more than 20 minutes away from the school, but I couldn't leave the poor thing stranded. So, I quickly checked out and ran frantically to my car. On the way, I remembered that my son needed to be dropped offat the high school for jazz band practice.

Once home, I unpacked – perishables only – and headed out with my son. My daughter was yelling after me that she had no clean bathing suits for diving practice. I realized I had never gotten that load in before I headed for the store. This was probably because the pile of laundry was just about ceiling height, so how was I to find the bathing suits in that mire anyway.

It's at these times when I think of parents with large families. You know, those brave souls who somehow found the strength and energy to raise four, five or even more children. How do they do it when I can't seem to handle two? Do parents of large families have a key to a secret code that the rest of us missed out on? How are they saving for college for that many kids? Better yet, how do they fit all of that milk in the refrigerator?

Large families are not the norm in today's society. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average number of children under age 18 in families with their own children in the household is 1.81 (Current Population Survey, 2007). This may be, in part, due to the increasing costs of raising children in today's society.

Out of sheer necessity, large families need to hone their organizational prowess and frugality. However, all families (large and small) can learn from and apply these creative parenting solutions. 

Parenting Fairly Yet Uniquely
You've probably heard, "They're all so different!" from parents with several children. Or maybe you have two, like me, and they are polar opposites!

Beth Ackerman, a resident of Staatsburg, NY, and mother of five children ages 10 to 19, says, "They all have different personalities. Some you need to be firmer with than others due to their stubbornness! But the same rules apply to all."

All parents struggle with trying to keep things fair, yet handling their children differently based on their individual needs and personalities. Lori Benjamin, a resident of Poughkeepsie, NY and mother of 12-year-old triplets and a 15- year-old, explains, "Nobody in my home has any special privileges unless they've earned it. I do handle situations differently with one of my sons, who experiences anxiety, and is a lot more sensitive than the others. However, the consequences are usually the same." 

Everyone Pitches In
How does one get everything done when there are so many clothes to wash, plates to clean, and math assignments to check? The trick here seems to be teamwork!

Claudia Teubl, a resident of Clermont, NY and mother of eight children aged 11 to adulthood, explains, "Family life means working together. We have a system of chores. When they were young, we teamed them up with an older sibling or with Mom. Family relationships were worked on and the children learned to do chores. We rotated for variety and to verify that nothing was slipping through the cracks. Now, when I wash dishes or wipe the table after dinner, the children on kitchen clean-up are very appreciative."

When children are made to feel appreciated and resourceful, they are apt to want to pitch in. Lori recalls, "I always wanted my oldest to help me do things that would make him feel important. As the triplets got older, their big brother showed them how to tie their shoes, use the big boy potty, and build big Thomas the Train tracks. He loved to show them the things that he had mastered."

Beth's children also help out with the younger children. "The older ones can help with homework, or help a younger sibling study for a test if I don't have time." All of her children are very musically inclined and the "older siblings will help the younger ones with their instruments." It's a little easier when the kids can pitch in with something they love to do. "A couple of the kids really like to cook," she reports. "If I'm going to be home late because of meetings or taking kids to activities, one of the kids at home can start dinner. They really enjoy that!" 

Storage Solutions
Space is usually an issue with large families. Let's face it, many of us are "pack rats" and hold on to or buy things that aren't necessary. Purchasing a second refrigerator might seem like a first step, but where do they find the room for all of those shoes?

With eight children, Claudia had to learn the value of a clutter-free environment and the idea that less is more early on. "We constantly try to fight back the clutter," she declares. "We try to get rid of things regularly. Freecycle Network is a wonderful resource for books and small appliances."

Since space is limited, the Teubls find creative ways to store their things. "In our home we have four children per room, so there is not really any personal space in the bedroom. The children have a section of a corner shelf in our library which they can use to keep personal items." Claudia also suggests that you limit the colors you wear in order to help with clothing storage. "If everything coordinates, you will get more use out of your wardrobe." She also states that most of the toys were kept in the attic. "We would exchange one from the attic with one that was downstairs when we felt the children needed something different to play with," she recalls.

The type of furniture in a household makes a big difference as well. Furniture pieces and rooms can have dual purposes. Claudia explains, "We have a pyramid bunk and a bed elevated high enough to put a dresser underneath. No space in our house has only one purpose. The spare room is set up for people to study."

Organization Equals Sanity
How does one keep everything straight with so many things to do and places to go?

As a mother who took care of triplets with a toddler in tow, Lori suggests some simple solutions. "I am a huge color coordinator. Every child was assigned a color at birth. This way there was never confusion as to what belonged to whom. Luckily their assigned colors are their favorite colors today!" Lori also suggests doing things the night before on school days. Clothing is picked out the night before and backpacks are put together to avoid morning rush madness.

With a family of 10, just planning meals can become difficult. Claudia reports, "We do not have choices for breakfast. Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays we have oatmeal. Wednesday we have cold cereal, Thursday baked oatmeal, Saturday bagels, and Sunday is muffin day." 

Scheduling
When there are four or more to get out the door in the morning, drive to activities, or take to the doctor, scheduling can be quite complicated.

Beth tries to plan things on the same days. "The boys all have scouts on Tuesdays," she says. "I also schedule doctor physicals two per day so I don't have to do five different days. For the dentist, we do them all in one day. It is worth not having to go back," she adds.

Lori points out the value of reasonable extracurricular scheduling. "Today, kids are going in every which direction, and being that we have a larger family, we have limited the activities. When we couldn't sit down to eat as a family more than once per week, we knew it was too much!" She says they rely on carpooling for the practices that, at times, are 30 to 60 miles away.

What about getting people out the door? Claudia states, "Each person needs to know how much time it take to get ready. We split who showers when – girls in the morning and boys at night."

Money Saving Tips
Beth values the idea of hand-me-downs. "With four boys, some clothes can be passed down to the younger brothers, such as winter coats, snow pants, and dress shoes," she says. She also suggests buying neutral colored boots, roller blades, and cleats so they can be handed down to the younger siblings no matter what their gender is. Beth also stresses the value of bargain shopping. She says that she doesn't go to the most expensive shops or buy trendy clothing that the kids will tire of quickly. "At Famous Footwear you usually can buy one pair of shoes and get a second for half price."

Lori recalls that when her boys were younger she could easily predict their size for the next year. "I would stock up on end of the season clothing sales. The following year I was set with clothes that I probably saved 80% on." She boasts that she never pays full price for anything. "If it isn't on sale, I don't buy it, with the exception of milk and eggs. I use coupons and take advantage of any buyer incentives offered at stores," she adds.

These large families are constantly thinking up new ways to save money, store items, and organize their busy lives. However, they all say it's well worth it! "Everything we do is for the kids," says Beth. "It really is crazy at times, and I usually have something to do every day of the week. But I know I will miss it all when they are older!"

Myrna Beth Haskell is a freelance writer living in Salt Point, NY.

This article originally appeared in Genesee Valley Parent Magazine Copyright.

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