Celebrating Rochester's Super Dads

When parents raise their children, they usually have an order of approach for some life lessons and coping. Stranger Danger, The Birds and the Bees, puberty, drugs & alcohol, mortality — sometimes in that order. But Rohr must cope with how to help his two girls understand what loss means — especially of a family member — at a very young age.

Rohr met his girlfriend, Monica Houston, a few years ago because their children cheer together. She has four girls: Kyra, 12; Taylor, 11; Baylee, 9; and Emily, 6. "I couldn't ask for a better role model for them," says Barclay. She summed up his Super Dad status simply but eloquently:
"Scott doesn't view being a dad as work. He spends every free minute with the kids. There are ups and downs just like every family but he wouldn't have it any other way. He never misses an event for any of the girls. He goes to every cheer competition, color guard competitions, violin concerts, chorus concerts, and all other activities the kids are involved in. The girls love to cheer and Scott is their biggest cheerleader. He deals with everything from temper tantrums to broken hearts to menstrual cycles. He is the first one up in the morning and the last one to go to bed at night. He has the patience of a Saint."

That patience and dedication has a special meaning. Rohr's mother, Andrea, says:
"Scott has always been a wonderfully involved father. He was the Brownie Cookie "Mom" and on the board for the Victor Saints Cheerleaders. He sets no boundaries when it comes to parenting roles. He embraces the obligations of both a mother and a father," adds Rohr.

Houston remembers one weekend when she had to work and he let five of the girls have a friend over for a sleepover. "There were ten girls age 9-14 in the house. He didn't care one bit. He ordered pizza and took them shopping for snacks before their party. He loved every minute of it," says Houston.
When Houston told Scott about the article being done about him he at first thought she was joking. Then he said, "It's not like I'm doing anything to win an award. I'm just doing my job as a parent."
Well done, Scott.

Mike will grab the kids, and the baby, diaper bag in tow, to make sure he is watching and a part of their lives," adds Marcano. He balances a career as a Rochester City Police Officer, where he serves as an Eastside school resource officer, advancing his education as he pursues a Masters Degree in Criminal Justice at Keuka College, work on what Dawn calls a "fixer-upper" house, and the family. It is more like juggling than balancing.

Family friend Lori Donohoe says Marcano goes above and beyond your average dad-in fun, and often hysterical ways too.

"I will never forget one Halloween party he brought the family to," says Donohoe. "I don't think many remember what the boys came as, but Mike takes the cake. He came dressed as the Little Mermaid!" Marcano defends himself only by saying he made up for that the next year by going as a hockey player.
Rose Lamparelli, Marcano's mother, says he has always been very caring and loving, and a very self-sufficient person. Part of that may be that he is the eldest of three children. Lamparelli says Marcano had a good sense about responsibility from a young age. She tells about the day Marcano got his first car-about a week after he'd gotten his license.

"When he bought the car, he made sure that all the insurance, registration and everything was in order. He was only 17 years old, and he not only paid for everything himself, he knew what he had to do to do it on his own. I was shocked," says Lamparelli. His mother also speaks to Marcano having always been there for anyone, and today, he's there for his own family — a Super Dad every day of the year.

Mike Marcano

Mike Marcano's attendance at his older kids' athletics events is often marked by the baby stroller he's standing by with 3 year-old Anthony on the sidelines. His family includes wife Dawn, and his other two sons, Steve, turning 15 this month, and Kevin, 10. Dawn says Mike has always had a vested interest in care and quality time with the family.

"Mike is always a nurturer. He follows my lead as to what is important for the children," says his wife, Dawn, who left her professional career as an educator to raise her children. She is quick to assert that the broad range in their children's ages would have many fathers running with the big boys while she is at home with the baby. Not Mike.

On a Saturday morning when many might be having breakfast or reading the paper, Barbara and I are waiting for Duffy's return home. He has already been on the job for a few hours working on a community Clean Sweep project at Genesee Valley Park. Duffy breezes in almost silently, and minutes later, is crisp and clean, and ready to talk parenting.

Like Father, Like Son
Mayor Duffy grew up in the 10th Ward of Rochester with his parents and is the youngest of three brothers. He calls his upbringing traditional, and says his parents maintained the sense of family on many levels.
"We sat down to dinner every night, went to church together on Sunday, education was a priority." says Duffy. "I have great memories of my childhood, and I can't remember ever seeing my parents fight. They were great role models."

Duffy's parents were frugal. His father was a mid level white collar worker and his mother taught grade school. They ate meals together, maintained dialogue at those meals and they had a genuine concern for the kids' wellbeing. The growing years for Bob Duffy included structure, praise, limits and most of all-love. At times it was tough love at that. Duffy was once grounded for a month for throwing a rock that broke a neighbor's window. The young Duffy tested his mom to get out of it by asking to go out to play. He never forgot his mom's response.

"No, you still have 10 days left."

Duffy says he learned two lessons from that incident. First, he learned that there are consequences for your actions. Second was that had his mother let him go out and play, he probably would have had a less respect for her authority.

Duffy describes his father as a kind, decent good man who was a hard worker. His parents were always there for him.

The family enjoyed vacations together, including trips to Gettysburg, summering at Finger Lakes cottages-all very special memories to Duffy. And he acknowledges one more staple in the Duffy household. You did not miss a brother's birthday. Celebrations were not to be forgotten. Duffy chuckles as he shares memories of celebrations with his own girls, including writing down clues to hidden Easter Baskets, and the girls rising at the crack of dawn on Christmas Day.

Duffy's brother, Neil says Bob held true to the lessons his parents taught him, and has maintained them in raising the girls:

"People who were the beneficiary of good parenting, have the ability to pass on the same to their children and hopefully improve or add on it. I have been very impressed with Bob as a parent. I have never seen him angry or heard him raise his voice to any member of his family. He commands respect by being an example not by referring to one. "

Longtime friend and colleague Frank Orienter agrees, and says one philosophy of Duffy's parenting of the girls is particularly special:
"Bob has always believed in letting the girls spread their wings," says Orienter. "They are two very unique girls, with different personalities and he has never tried to point them in any specific direction."

Behind Every Good Man…
Bob and Barbara Duffy have been together for 22 years. Duffy says that they are very close and share the same parenting philosophies and worked hard to create a cohesive family unit, despite difficult and demanding work schedules. And he gives much credit to Barbara.
"She is honest, decent and loyal. I think she has had more pressure on her in the last few years with my job," says Duffy. Frank Orienter agrees.

"Barbara works professionally, is active in the neighborhood and beside Bob in his work. The girls see that, and kids are known to learn from what they see in their parents. And the fact that they share the same ideals makes it easier for Bob to do his job." Brother Neil Duffy says Barbara deserves much praise for her yeoman's effort to provide guidance, love and another positive example of an adult to her children.
Bob Duffy is also quick to point to he and his wife's shared sense of humor is a wonderful asset. It is one they share with the children, and it often diffuses some of the more tenacious moments in the life of a public figure, both in policing and politics.

The Measure of a Man
As Police Chief, and now as Mayor, Duffy has seen youth who deep down are just decent kids who need guidance. And he believes it's the parent's duty to do that.

"For a young man, if you are going to be a father to a child, you have to take responsibility for that child. Parents should spend as much time as they can for their kids. They should nurture and support their kids, help them instill values, and give them an education." Duffy is sensitive to the nature of children in general and particularly to his own:
"Kids will probably listen to 5 percent of what you say, but watch 95 percent of what you do."
So what you do is most important. I hope that when my kids grow up, they will do all the things we have tried to do."

Duffy has made fundamental needs of children major tenets of his mayoral agenda. Reducing crime, improving education and the quality of life for families in Rochester are all crucial in his work. Neil Duffy sums up his admiration for his brother's priorities:
"I will simply say I am so very proud of him because he is doing something he loves and that is helping his hometown and he is trying to make a difference in the lives of its residents."
If Mayor Duffy is able to guide the community and it can learn some of the lessons Duffy has taught his own daughters, it is certain to be a better and stronger one for it.

Bob Duffy: A Down to Earth Dad

Most Rochesterians know Mayor Bob Duffy either in the media spotlight in his current role as leader of our city, or from his decades on the Rochester City Police force, most notably on crime scenes in the '90s, speaking to the local media while serving as Police Chief. But the Duffy you don't know is Duffy the Dad. A down-to-earth and loving parent who is as or more committed to his two daughters than any career or public service he is associated with.

The Duffy home is not unlike many of the homes in the Browncroft neighborhood architecturally on the outside, nor decoratively on the inside. It could be said that it is a reflection of Duffy himself: clean and straightforward — not overstated. The Mayor's wife, Barbara, is a bright and warm woman, who has much to share and a depth in her rich brown eyes. Their eldest daughter, Erin, 19, is back home after a three-month college exchange program in Europe (during which she was desperately missed by the whole family). Shannon, 17 this month, is wrapping up the school year and working.