By Kathleen E. Conroy
As a child of a working single parent, I well remember being 11 years old, trudging down our empty driveway in the afternoon as the school bus roared away. I’d take my house key from my book bag, unlock our kitchen door and hesitate a moment at the quietness of the house. Of course, things looked up considerably once I had a bowl of potato chips in hand and “Gilligan’s Island” on the tube. Homework and chores seemed miles away — until Mom called each afternoon with studying orders and her plea to empty the dishwasher.
Today, as a working mom of children too young to be left alone, I fret about the day when they’ll be too old for child care and will have their own house keys. Just like the majority of parents who work and leave their children on their own after school every day, I’ll be anxious about my children’s safety.
Is She Ready?
How can a parent tell when a child is ready to stay home alone? According to child care experts, there is no specific age when children are ready to stay home alone because most children mature at different rates. National statistics do show that most latchkey children are 10 years or older. It’s more important nowadays to know if your child feels comfortable being home alone and has the levelheadedness to handle an emergency.
Some states have laws regulating the age at which a child may be left home alone. New York State doesn’t have a low on what age a child can be left at home alone, but rather recommends that maturity level be considered foremost, according to the New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
“Bottom line though,” says Anne Leone Work Life Services Director at Child Care Council Inc. in Rochester, “is that a parent is still responsible for their child if they are left home alone.”
The National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies advises to consider your child’s maturity level and his ability to handle a variety of situations. See if you can answer “yes” to most of the following questions. If so, your child may be ready to be left alone:
• Has he handled brief periods of being left alone well?
• Will he come straight home after school?
• Can he manage simple jobs like fixing a snack and taking
phone messages?
• Is he physically able to unlock and lock the doors at home?
• Can he solve small problems himself?
• Does he know when and how to seek outside help?
• Is he prepared to handle an accident or an emergency?
• Will he follow the rules set for him and use his time productively?
Naturally, you’ll need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your child. Listen to his or her feelings and concerns. If your child is apprehensive, you will want to proceed carefully with your arrangements. Starting self care may not be a good idea during a period of increased stress, such as a move to a new home, a divorce or death in the family.
You Can Help
There are also ways you can prepare children for the experience to ease their anxiety. The National Crime Prevention Council advises that parents teach the following to “home alone” children:
• To check in with you or a neighbor immediately after arriving home
• How to call 911, or your area’s emergency number, or call the operator
• How to give directions to your home, in case of emergency
• To never accept gifts or rides from people they don’t know well
• How to use the door and window locks, and the alarm system if
you have one.
• To never let anyone into your home without asking your permission
• To never let a caller at the door or on the phone know that
they’re alone — teach them to say “Mom can’t come to the phone
or door) right now”
• To carry a house key with them in a safe place (inside a shirt pocket
or sock) — don’t leave it under a mat or on a ledge outside the house.
• How to escape in case of fire
• Not to go into an empty house or apartment if things don’t look
right — a broken window, ripped screen, or opened door
• To let you know about anything that frightens them or makes
them feel uncomfortable
Practice Makes Perfect
Think about building up hours gradually by leaving your child briefly to run an errand or arranging to arrive home 15 minutes later than usual from work. Ask your child if he felt comfortable and what he did with his time. Encourage him to tell you of any fears he may have, no matter how trivial. With practice you will both be ready for him to spend longer periods of time alone and you can plan a regular schedule of self care.
You might also pose some real life situations for children to gauge their reactions: What do you do when the dog gets over the fence and runs away? What about when your big sister isn’t home when expected? When your brother cuts his finger slicing an after-school apple snack? What if the power goes out or the toilet overflows?
And do teach them what you expect of them with regard to regular communication. Parents today make good use of cell phones, pagers and even instant messaging over the Internet to stay in touch with their latchkey offspring.
Keep in touch often so you won’t have visions of ongoing soccer games in your dining room or fears about your young sons glue to R-rated movies on cable.
Don’t worry. They’ll most likely have unloaded the dishwasher, done their homework and be busy eating handfuls of greasy potato chips while catching the latest episode of “Hey, Arnold!”
Kathleen E. Conroy is the editor of Charlotte Parent magazine and mother of two children.
